It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
