Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
