We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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