We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
