Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
