my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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