thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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