you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
