we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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