like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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