I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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