i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
