sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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