Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize