I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
