I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
