I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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