The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
