if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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