the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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