you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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