Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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