I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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