dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
