She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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