I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
