dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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