I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize