I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
