I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
