Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
