Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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