As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
