you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
