I wanna bring you to show and tell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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