is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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