it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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