I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho