So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.