the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work