What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
