That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
3 2 1 whiskey
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
