and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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