foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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