I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
