Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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