I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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