I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
