Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
