Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
