Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
