I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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