a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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