It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
