were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
