I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
