help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
