I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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