i already hear my dad disowning me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The uberlube is also flammable
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
