Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
