Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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