why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
