The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
