Screwed.edu
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
